unbeknownst to many - or maybe not.

Since I'm turning 18 tomorrow, i owe myself a little space and think inside the box. Haha Or i think this is called pondering or looking back. Heck, i don't know. This may turn out to be one of those emo slash cheesy blogs. Haha. Anyhoo, here goes:

1. No matter how atypical a person may be, he can at times be boring. Especially when he valiantly try to be oh so cool. Remember, only YOU can prevent mediocrity :-)

2. I think people love to be in-love because there's a vacuum in all of us that needs to get filled up all the time and which unfortunately (favored-ly to others) attracts the wrong types constantly in both sexes. So next time, ask yourselves this, "Do you see your worth only through the eyes of the other person, or do feel your only alive if your in-love?"

3. Funny, when i broke up with my ex-bf (Mr. R.F.Mollion), i couldn't give myself one substantial reason why i cried so hard. Not that he was such a loss, instead, life with him was a living hell. Disastrous. I think it was just a manifestation of adolescent (or teen) rebellion on my part. If Kuya hadn't howled about him, id dumped I'm long before. I even dedicated the song Sweet Escape to him. I mean, hello? How corny can i get? Haha. So, always remember how short life is. A few years, or months in a miserable relationship could be such hell. And you know the, "the-one-that-got-away syndrome"? Turn the tables around and you could be the one he lost by sheer insensitivity. Aaaand, real peace and happiness comes only with open acceptance (a very pageantry phrase) :-)

4. My parents gave us the freedom to choose what to believe until we were old enough to realize and/or know things. They think its child abuse to let a child embrace religion when he's too young to even understand something. I was never baptised and later on adopted agnosticism. I experienced dereliction and even ridicule, that is until i fought back. Haha. i mean not all who go to church are saints and not all who stay at home are sinners. In fact, i think we are the lesser evils. Haha :D

5. I don't know what to call my family. Haha. I'm not even sure if we're a family. Hehe. My folks were never married legally, although my mother insist twas legal - SA BUKID! Haha. And why my parents was married in the boondocks? Sorry, i cant tell you. No, cant do. Hihihi ;-p But they live under one roof and on one bed (hmm, that makes em live-ins? Haha!) but they haven't talk since last year or was that last last year? More like divorced folks. And I'm telling you, IT IS REALLY HARD. *stress on really please, thank you* My father's only home during weekends. Hes always away, working. And my mothers always nagging or maybe its her PMS. Hehe. I think i never really loved them. But i should. I'm obligated to. Oh well *sigh*

6. My kuya, Rojo Bagani N. Acebedo, half-brother actually, hes from the first husband of my mother. (You see, egat si Mama sauna. Haha!) His father died during, uhm, i guess you could call it a military encounter. His name actually means Red Warrior. On the other hand, Proleta N. Gomez, shes the sister and a lousy one. And i havta admit, shes the pretty one. Hehe Her name came from the word Proletariat w/c means working class (or you could Google it). She sometimes uses her other name, ARMADEM (Armas ng Demokrasya). She claims she has a birth certificate on that, we let her languish in her fantasies. Hehe

7. When i was 8, i hated my name. Nobody can seem to pronounce it perfectly. My teacher used to call me 'Dimdim'. Oh god, the horror! Some would eventually spell it as Dimsin. Worse, some thought i was a guy. JUSKO! My birth certificate even states IM A MALE! And it takes P20,000 for a legal "sex change", minus the attorney's fee. And that's why i couldn't get a passport. Well, yes, thank you very much whoever you are that messed up my papers.

8. Expressing, that's my failing. I don't know how to say words that demonstrate emotion. They embarrass me. But believe me, i do have feelings. Oftentimes, when i try to talk to my father, i get tongue-tied and end up crying. I'm such a cry baby. But perhaps i was given no words because there is no need for words - OR NOT! Maybe he thinks I'm dumb. Haha. Well, who's dumber now, ha? Okay, whatever.

9. Yesterday, as i was telling my boyfriend my plans, he right there and then, hated me. Haha. he thinks I'm stupid, although he cant seem to win over our arguments. He hated the fact that id rather choose arm struggle than peaceful way of dealing things. I mean, what peaceful way? We haven't even struggled our ass to freedom. He said he'd wait on change to happen, to rely on other people to do the fighting. So, that makes him one of the 80 million cowards in this country. Id rightfully sacrifice my education. Better uneducated and fight for what should be ours than be privileged and let someone enthroned on gold amid adulation they had neither earned nor deserve. My mother once told me that, if i don't want to fight for the country, then get out, migrate and see maggots of conscience creeps into every inch of my soul. Well, what can i do? I hate maggots. Hehe

10. I'm planning to write a book... That is, until i get a laptop.




Follow-ups next time. I really need to poo. Haha. Seriously! :D